Offspring #1, age five, has a slight competetive edge to his behaviour. Recently, this has been manifesting itself in ‘who gets to the toilet first at bedtime’.

Our evening routine starts with dinner, then brushing of teeth, reading of book, going to the toilet, and then being tucked into bed. It has been this for four years (took us a year in the beginning to work out you needed routine at bedtime). There has never been a race to the toilet, until recently.

And watch out if the three year old gets there first! There’s yelling and crying and ‘the whole world is going to end’ talk from #1.

So, I had a breakthrough tonight.

After book, I asked #1 if he would like to go to the toilet (#2 doesn’t care when she goes), he replied ‘No.” So I sent #2 off, and that prompted not only yelling and crying from #1, but also anger directed at me.

This continued for quite a few minutes. No use in trying to stop him too soon (a bit like trying to stop a bull from charging the red flag). When the bull had at least slowed down a bit, I asked him to sit next to me and talk about why he was angry with me.

#1, while crying, “You let LL go to the toilet first”

Mum, “I didn’t honey, I asked you first…are you angry at me?”

#1, “I wanted to go first… yes I’m angry at you!”

Mum, “Are you sure you’re angry at me? I did the right thing, I was being a good mummy by asking you first. Are you sure you’re not upset with yourself for not going when I asked?”

Silence. Sob. Sniff.

#1, “Yeah, I think I am upset with myself”

Mum, “Was that nice to get angry with me? Do you need to say sorry?”

#1, “Sorry Mum.”

Hugs all round. Deep breathe, he’s ok.

But then the weirdest thing. The crying and sobbing started all over again. I tucked him into bed, gave him a kiss…still sobbing…still ranting. I left him alone for about two minutes…still sobbing…still ranting. Then I went into his room and asked if he would like me to rub his back.

The sobbing stopped.

I asked, “Does it all just get a bit too much sometimes?”

And the perfectly sane and calm response, “Yes Mum.”

So the breakthrough was a reminder to myself what it must be like as a five year old. (And also a five year old with Verbal and Physical Developmental Dyspraxia). Every day is a challenge. Your body, hormones and brain are changing every day. You have to contend with what we think is a normal day (getting ready, going to school, interacting with people), but the reality is that it’s not normal for him yet.

He’s only been at it for five years.

So really, it’s not about the toilet at all.

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